Wonkette Headline News Reader

Now Eat This: Stuffed Peppers, No Pink Slime Allowed

30 July 2014, 12:37 pm by: Mojopo
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I am going to stuff your pepper so hard. You and me, we got some fresh peppers from our neighbor. This is news! We have awesome neighbors. We are stuffing fresh peppers, from an actual garden, and that is that. So fricking good! Don’t ask questions, Listen…
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Twitchy Very Sorry For Calling Pelosi ‘Jew-Hating Bitch,’ Meant To Quote Someone Saying It

30 July 2014, 12:18 pm by: Kaili Joy Gray
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We here at Yr Wonkette know we are not Very Serious Journalists, nor do we try to be, because (a) we enjoy telling jokes, which you sometimes even enjoy reading, thank you very much, try the veal and tip your waitress; (b) we have never helped a president lead…
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Border-Protest Idiots Make Rachel Maddow Shouty (Video)

30 July 2014, 11:28 am by: Doktor Zoom
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In the midst of a longer segment on Our Dysfunctional House of Representatives on Tuesday, Rachel Maddow had this aside on the House’s “compromise” for funding the overflow of Central American children in our immigration system: they offer a fraction of…
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Phoenix Airport Gun Humper’s Neuroscience Bosses Stuff Him Down The Memory Hole

30 July 2014, 10:53 am by: Doktor Zoom
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Yesterday, we brought you the story of gun-loving neurological researcher Dr. Peter Steinmetz, whose favorite hobby seems to be hanging out at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport with his AR-15, just because he can. Or at least it was, until he was arrested last Friday…
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Stephen Colbert Lurves The Sarah Palin Channel Almost As Much As We Do

30 July 2014, 9:48 am by: Doktor Zoom
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Stephen Colbert is just thrilled that Sarah Palin has started a new online TV channel where you can spend $9.95 a month to see her do “exactly what she’s always done, only — mmm– nothing else.” And sure, maybe it costs more than Netflix, but it…
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Rush Limbaugh Takes Opportunity To Remind Us Both He And Ray Rice Are Terrible

30 July 2014, 9:31 am by: snipy
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The ugly awfulness of abusive sportsball player Ray Rice’s existence has really caused a problem with maxing out our rage-expending abilities. We had to spend a whole lot of energy being mad at Ray Rice for being a woman-beating piece of shit. Then we really…
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Marcus Bachmann Rears Head To Remind Us He Exists, Still Wants To Shame Gays

30 July 2014, 9:24 am by: snipy
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We know, we know. You’re chock full of Michele Bachmann derp. Couldn’t eat another bite, really. But have you noshed on any nonsense from Marcus Bachmann lately? Yes, the gentler more feminine half of the Bachmann marriage gets overshadowed by his…
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