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  • Wingnut Alex Jones And Troll Army Declare WAR On Toymaker For Selling Hillary Clinton Dolls

    28 March 2015, 1:00 pm by: Doktor Zoom

    Jason Feinberg isn’t a political junkie. Sure, he follows politics in general. He votes. And in 2008. his little toy and novelty manufacturing outfit, FCTRY in Brooklyn, had something of a hit with a Barack Obama action figure, which sold around 200,000…
  • Snake Oil Bulletin: Health Guru ‘Cures’ Cancer With Diet And Detox (And Not Having Cancer)

    28 March 2015, 11:30 am by: Fare la Volpe

    Salutations, Sailors! Welcome back to the Snake Oil Bulletin, your premium blend of all the latest and greatest in quackery, hackery, and general chicanery. We’ve got a full schedule ahead of us, so let’s nose dive right in to it with some cancer woo.…
  • Willie Nelson Will Fulfill Lifelong Dream Of Smoking Out Entire US Of A, For Fun And Profit

    28 March 2015, 10:00 am by: Kaili Joy Gray

    Some 81-year-old pothead loser named Willie Nelson, who will never amount to anything because that’s what pot does to you, has a plan to open a chain of retail stores selling his own custom brand of the evil demon weed, and all necessary evil demon weed…
  • Elizabeth Warren To Wall Street: Drop Dead

    27 March 2015, 5:14 pm by: Kaili Joy Gray

    The too-big-to-fail banks think they’re going to teach Professor Elizabeth Warren and the rest of her progressive rebel scum a lesson about saying mean things about them. As we just learned, the heads of the five families dick-swingers from Citigroup,…
  • God Gives Lady Gift Of Prophecy To Save The World, Predict How Movies End

    27 March 2015, 4:40 pm by: Doktor Zoom

    Spoiler alert: These people are insufferable.…
  • Corporations And Celebrities Agree: Anti-Gay Indiana Can Get Bent

    27 March 2015, 4:10 pm by: Evan Hurst

    On Thursday, wingnut Indiana Gov. Mike Pence signed his state’s Fuck The Gays bill into law, which basically says that as long as your religion tells you Jesus’s first and only question on Judgment Day will be “and how many of my gay children did you…
  • Peggy Noonan Impressed By Ted Cruz, Or Weakened By A Hangover, Hard To Tell

    27 March 2015, 3:40 pm by: Gary Legum

    Early Monday morning, Peggy Noonan of the Little Sisters of the Ambien Blackout roused herself from slumber. Her head still gauzy from the weekend’s activities, she stumbled to her parlor, where her house-boy, Manuel, had already set out a carafe of strong…

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